Greenreads: Simplicity Parenting

Do you ever feel kids have too much or are bombarded by too much? 
Media.
Toys.
Junk food.
Choices.
Games.
Books.
Real life adults lead.
Everything!


I love this book written by a Waldorf teacher (educational philosophy geared towards hands-on, natural, rhythmic, artistic, storytelling, simplicity, education, not standardized test-oriented education) and psychologist.

It tells of how children are getting so stressed out and overloaded by information and pleasures that they are in hyper-drive. So she urges parents to simplify their childrens' lives, routines, toys and information received. To in a sense protect our children from getting too much, too fast. "A protected childhood allows for the slow development of identity, well-being, and resiliency. Too much stuff leads to too little time and too little depth in the way kids see and explore their worlds."

She also mentioned every child has quirks, but that when they are stressed (sometimes in ways unbeknownst to us), those quirks turn into diagnosed behavioral problems. "Stress can push children along the behavioral spectrum. When you simplify a child's life on a number of levels, back they come. Behavioral tendencies can be soothed or relaxed by creating calm. We need to simplify in order to create and honor that "calm" for the sake of our children and their divine potential within them. We are here to nuture that potential and help them explore and exerience life in good and natural ways....not just to be entertained by toys, running around stressed from class-to-class, etc.

She walks you through step by step how to simplify in many areas and to create a stable environment in the home by creating daily pockets of predictability for your children and by having less clutter (books, toys, information, etc.). Here are some areas and suggestions (but read the book for more thorough advice and examples).


Toys
We have way too many toys for our children! They don't even play with half of them. "As you decrease the quantity of your child's toys and clutter, you increase their attention and their capacity for deep play."
Keep a few loved toys in clear sight and a few more organized in bins tucked away--reachable, but not always in sight. Get rid of all of the following toys:
1. Broken Toys
2. Developmentally Inappropriate Toys (pack away or donate those outgrown)
3. Conceptually "Fixed" Toys (simple toys allow imagination--not plastic unchangable outfits and TV heroes)
4. Toys That Do Too Much and Break Too Easily
5. High Stimulation Toys
6. Annoying or Offensive Toys
7. Toys that Claim to Give Your Child a Developmental Edge
8. Toys You Are Pressured to Buy
9. Toys that Inspire Corrosive Play (violence)
10. Toy Multiples

Expanding Play from Beyond Toys
Children need to experience (touch, see, feel, do, etc)...not just be entertained. Here are some thoughts for how children can play beyond toys:
Imaginary-Play
Purpose and Industry
Nature
Trial and Error
Social Interaction
Movement
Art & Music

Books
If you're like me you try to collect tons of used kids books. But the author says, "We honor the value of something (like reading) in our child's life by fostering a deep-not disposable--relationship to it." So if you have too much of anything, the child doesn't delve deeply into those things. Picking just one or two books before the child is eight is just fine, with 10 or so other books available as needed. Great books for children are fables and nursery ryhmes because they have rhythm and generally a problem/resolution and principle. Plus, most are based in nature and are very short and simple.
Here are some questions to ask, when thinking about your kids book collection:
Is it developmentally Appropriate?
Is the book based on a product of TV character?
Does it tell an unfolding story or is it "all over the place?"

Rhythm
Rhythm and predictability are what we aim for; predictabilty may be what we can acheive. This predictability help provide security for our children so they feel more happy and calm. She talks about the power of talking to your children more and creating predictability. How often do we run around "living" our lives, but not communicating clearly with our children about what we are doing or what to expect. If we treat them like kids and leave them in the dark. We need to provide pauses to help them know we're about to leave. We need to pick them up face to face and hand in hand, not grab them from behind (which makes them feel insecure and forced) and push them to our next event for the day. Do we help our children see who they are and how they are living and acheive meaning and purpose? Or do they let overwhleming toys, books and media tell them about what life "should" be like? I would suggest that if our children aren't happy, there are inner needs not being met. I always smile when my boy sings, because of the quote "A child who sings is a happy child." And when he seems unhappy and whiny...then I ask myself what I need to do to change my attitude (or stress-level) and how I can better focus on him and simplify.

"Rhythms establish a foundation of cooperation and connection. And relationships are often built in the intervals, the spaces between activities, when nothing much is going on." So don't be too busy.

Also I love the simple dinners built on consistent menus so that consistency is valued more than personal preferences and so that children can be involved to prepare it and clean up together.

Pressure valves: kids need to release steam and energy throughout the day. Ex: right after school and sitting so long...a quiet time might be needed. Or time before bed to slow down and unwind. Storytime is the best example of this and a great chance for parents to connect and help create a picture of the next day for their children. If children don't have these times they have a hard time sleeping at night. Look for opportunities to build a few into your days for your child's sanity.


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I stopped taking notes halfway through...so next time I read it I will finish. :)

Tips for Boosting Memory

This is a good little video with some learning tips to improve memory retention. It's the same thing I learned from a speaker at the LDSholistic Living conference I hosted for last summer. So since I saw it twice, I thought I'd actually post the helpful hints. This one is from www.kwicklearning.com.

Here's the acronym he says to remember when trying to learn:

FAST
F - Focus/Forget (be in the moment, focused on what you are learning--or the person you are talking to, if you hope to remember their name. Forget everything else going on around it....all those needed thoughts will still be there when you're done, but you net to let go of other thoughts to focus on the one needful one at hand.)
A - Active (keep your learning active. Don't just stare blankly and absorb, but look intently, keep your mind engaged with postivity and a desire to get something valuable out of the experience)
S - State (sit or stand in the state you would normally do if you were fully focused and excited about what you are learning. You definitely would be in a lethargic state if what you were learning was super exciting)
T - Take Notes (capture facts and words, then create/apply. Make have two columns or have symbols)

I personally use boxes with various symbols in them for the create part that I indicate in the left margin. I like using check marks for a goal I decide to make, ? for questioned posed or that I have now, I draw a little open book for scripture verse that goes along with it, quote marks for a quote, etc.

It doesn't matter what ways you use to take note, as long as the system works for you. So make sure you have a system that helps you categorize and place what you are hearing and applying. If you're not a systems person, maybe this can help you be more of one.

--
He also did an exercise to memorize 10 keys to overcome information overload: boosting brain power to learn quicker.

1.  Diet
2.  Killing ANTS (Automatic negative thoughts)
3.  Exercise
3.  Brain Nutrients
5.  Positive Peers (friends)
6.  Clean environments
7.  Sleep
8.  Brain protection
9.  New learning
10.Stress management

Memory deals with location. So he tells us how to memorize these 10 points listed above by giving them visual location and a connection of walking to each of them.

So imagine going for a walk in your house and find ten different places/objects in your house you walk to in a certain order (ex: start at bed in bedroom and then go to hallway, and then downstairs, etc.). Close your eyes and visualize going from one spot to the next spot. Then give each location an object or action associated with the ten points you are memorizing (ex: for diet, you could imagine a plant on your bedroom (which was the first location). Then do the walk again with the points associated. Then do the exercise again backwards.With each piece of information in a familiar surrounding you should be able to recall each piece of info, and in any order.

This is how I memorize things, but not normally so intense of an exercise. But I will start doing this exercise more for poems I want to memorize and such. The speaker I heard at the conference said his little boy memorized all his 100 lines of a play in one day using this method. Pretty cool, huh?

He summarizes our ability to learn quicker and have greater clarity in our mind as being better for our health and better for making it through trials and vice versa because we can focus on the essentials we are thinking about at that moment and set trials aside for more important needs.

Other points to consider:
1. Knowledge is potential Power: Use what you learn
2. Use location method to place info - Use the 10 points above
3. Questions are the Answer. Question the information you come across: Do you need it? Is it truth, fact, theory, gossip?

Alternative Educational Approach: Thomas Jefferson Education (TJed)

I’ve read a few great books about alternative educational philosophies. I’ve compiled some of my thoughts from this last book I read. (I will then post thoughts on the Waldorf Philosophy and another separate post of a comparison/summary of the two.) So, beware, my notes are choppy. The comparison post will be more polished.

Thomas Jefferson Education: Teaching A Generation of Leaders…

by Oliver DeMille

KEY:

Excerpts from the book

Other peoples' quotes from book

My Thoughts

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The Essential Question in my mind:

Is the education we are receiving on par with our potential?

Every person you have ever met is a genius.

And greatness is the purpose of each of us.

Two types of teachers: mentors (present) and classic (past)
- Teacher get students attention and starts them on the way and involves them Deeply. Students puts in the work to educate themselves.

Three major types of schooling
1. Conveyor belt education
2. professional education
3. leadership education: inspires self-education and ability to think for themselves, based on character

Thomas Jefferson Education Model is Leadership Education

And I would add that so is the Waldorf Method, from a more creative/intuitive approach, but that is another post...

“Teaching, like farming and healing, is a cooperative art. Understanding this, Comenius in The Great Didactic again and again compares the cultivation of the mind with the cultivation of the field; so, too, Plato compares the teacher’s art with the physician’s.”

“…only when teachers realize that the principal cause of learning that occurs in a student is the activity of the student’s own mind do they assume the role of the cooperative artists. While the activity of the learner’s mind is the principal cause of all learning, it is not the sole cause. Here the teacher steps in as a secondary and cooperative cause.”

“Like the farmer and the physician, the teacher must be sensitive to the natural process that his art should help bring to its fullest fruition – the natural process of learning. It is the nature of human learning that determines the strategy and the tactics of teaching.” 

– Mortimer J. Adler -

Individualized Education Phases

1. Core phase (0-8 years of age): Happy, interactive, confident child naturally playing and working in family setting. The meaning of tasks gains context through experiences with a rich learning environment.
2. Love of learning phase (8-12ish):  Play at projects and skills which build understanding. Involvement is exploratory and interest driven With time to allow personal expression without negative feedback.
3. Scholar phase (puberty/12-16): Readiness to apply greater level of effort to personal and academic achievement through a process of commitment and accountability.  Defined responsibilities that are agreed upon. Exposure to variety of materials and ideas in the spirit of passion and excitement for learning. A time to work hard at learning because you love it and to ponder, think, read, write,  listen, debate, analyze and learn. It is the time to lose yourself in study.
4. Depths phase (16-22): Profound hunger to prepare for on-coming responsibilities and future contributions in society. To acknowledge limitations both personal and in current mentoring arrangement, and to submit to expectations of a mentor at a new and higher level. To network with those who are mission-oriented and involves the challenge of having your grand ideas revealed to be limited or ineffectual with the opportunity for exposure to peers with new and thought-provoking solutions to age-old problems. it is the ideal combination for the years of earlier training and must be individualized.

"Since learning is essentially a process of discovery the teachers Art consists largely in devices whereby one individual can help another to lift himself up from a state of knowing and understanding less to knowing and understanding more. left to his own devices the learner would not get very far unless he asked himself questions, perceived problems to be solved, suffered puzzlement over dilemmas, put himself under the necessity of following out the implications of this Hypothesis or that, made observations and weighted the evidence for alternative hypotheses."

- Mortimer j Adler -

Thomas Jefferson Education Basic Tenets:

1. classics and mentors
2. depth and breadth
3. quality and application

No education is complete or even particularly valuable unless the student uses what he or she has learned to serve the community, family, society, and God.

A good mentor is someone of high moral character who is more advanced than the student and can guide his or her learning

Education makes a people easy to lead, but difficult to drive; easy to govern, but impossible to enslave.

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Seven keys of great teaching or mentoring

1. Classics not textbooks: Bible, Shakespeare, etc.
2. Mentors not professors
3. Inspire, not require: Force in learning dampens the passion, kills the spirit and destroys the zest and life of learning. Force trains followers not leaders. Inspiring is finding out what the students need and then creatively encouraging them to engage it on their own with excitement and interest
4. Structure time, not content
5. Quality, not conformity
6. Simplicity, not complexity (Read, write, Do projects, discuss--not quick to point out answers or personal feelings....explore)
7. You, not them (Mentors set the example and are continually learning and pushing themselves. They commit to study and ponder think about it and pay their own price in studying along with.

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Teaching Parable: Baby Learning to Walk

1. Observe
2. Walk and smile: Try and have mini successes
3. Totter and look alarmed: run into difficulties and get worried
4. Fall and cry:  Fail and feel bad
5. Start over again

Mentors' roles

1. Smile throughout
2. Shower advice
3. Warn
4. Encourage
5. Praise
6. Most importantly...set the example

The Mentor who shares her love for learning and willingness to submit to the labor that is the process of acquiring mastery will communicate the value of persevering through difficulties and trusting that ignorance and confusion must ultimately give way to knowledge and understanding.

You were born with potential.

you were born with goodness and trust.

you were born with ideals and dream.

you were born with greatness.

you were born with wings.

you are not meant for crawling, so don't.

you have wings.

Learn to use them and fly.

-Rumi-

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In Summary:

“A sensible man watches for problems ahead and prepares to meet them. The simpleton never looks and suffers the consequences.” 

- Proverbs 27:12 -

Our Educational system has a problem...is the problem. Too many cooks in the kitchen trying to decide what our children need to learn and how to do that. There are tons of alternative educations out there that are worth exploring.

After reading much, I have come to view my children’s’ education as needing at least these three things:

•  Inspires students to think for themselves
• Based on good and true principles/values
• Encourages their individual greatness (aka God-given potential/talents)

All types of education will change if parents lead the charge. 

What can you do as a parent to help truly educate your children? (regardless of whether or not you homeschool, charter school, public education, etc.)

Alternative Education: Intro to Waldorf Education

Ever heard of Waldorf Education? 

I'm very interested in Waldorf Education and after reading a great book written by a teacher and social worker, Simplicity Parenting. This is an alternative school to public schools, but I just use some of the philosophy in combination with my other thoughts and ideas.

So this post is about my thoughts about this Waldorf Education approach. But first I thought I'd start with this funny list...

You Might Be a Waldorf Mama/Papa If You... (I'm going to keep adding to this, btw)

• think there is no such thing as boredom
• have an insatiable appetite for learning and growth
• love rocks, trees, dirt, etc. more than something you can buy in a store
• gardening is essential for your children to learn
• love simple experiments using what you can find in nature
• don't own a tv
• think learning is a holistic endeavor (with their head, heart, hands, etc.)
• find you eat, dress, do...according to the seasons
• the "calendar in your head" comes to mind from one holiday to the next
• think play time may have an inverse relationship to toy quantity (deep play with one)
• your toy shelf does not look like toy store's shelves at Christmas time, but rather has a few simple favorites: something homemade, wood blocks, etc.
• think teaching your 7 year old child to knit is as important as teaching him or her to read
• think imagination is the fuel of greatness and are ok with gnomes and fairies

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So, What is Waldorf Education?

Wiki-pedia says... (click link to read more details, and I've added a few of my notes below too)

Waldorf (Steiner) education is a humanistic approach to pedagogy based on the educational philosophy of the Austrian philosopher Rudolf Steiner. Waldorf education is the largest independent alternative education movement in the world.^[6] In central Europe, where most of the schools are located,^[1] the Waldorf approach has achieved general acceptance as a model of alternative education.^[7][8] Waldorf education has influenced mainstream education in Europe^[9] and Waldorf schools and teacher training programs are funded through the state in many European countries. 

Public funding of Waldorf schools in some English speaking countries has been controversial, with questions being raised about the role of religious and spiritual content in or underlying the curriculum, and whether the science curriculum, which has achieved notable results, also includes pseudoscience and/or promotes homeopathy.  

The first Waldorf school was founded in 1919 in Stuttgart, Germany. At present there are 1,026 independent Waldorf schools,^[1] 2,000 kindergartens^[2] and 646 centers for special education,^[3] located in 60 countries. There are also Waldorf-based state schools,^[4] charter schools and academies, and homeschooling^[5]environments.

The educational philosophy's overarching goal is to develop free, morally responsible, and integrated individuals equipped with a high degree of social competence. Teachers generally use formative (qualitative) rather than summative (quantitative) assessment methods (which means no letter grades), particularly in the pre-adolescent years. The schools have a high degree of autonomy to decide how best to construct their curricula and govern themselves. The approach stresses the role of the imagination in learning and places a strong value on integrating academic, practical and artistic pursuits.

The developmental approach used in the Waldorf schools is designed to awaken – and ideally balance – the "physical, behavioral, emotional, cognitive, social, and spiritual" aspects of the developing person,^[28] developing thinking that includes a creative as well as an analytic component.^[28]:28 A 2005 overview of research studies suggested that Waldorf schools successfully develop "creative, social and other capabilities important in the holistic growth of the person," but that more research is needed to confirm the generally small scale studies conducted to date.^[28]:39

Three broad stages in child development: (though there are sub-stages too)

1. The early years (0-7) children primarily learn through empathy, imitating their environment, and Waldorf pre-schools and kindergartens therefore stimulate pupils' desire to engage with the world by offering a range of practical activities.^[33] The educator's task is to present worthwhile models of action.^[11]:389 Children are also given daily opportunities for creative, imaginative play.^[34] The early years education seeks to imbue the child with a sense that the world is good.^[35]
2. Second Stage (7-14) children primarily learn through presentations and activities appealing to their feelings and imagination. Story-telling and artistic work are used to convey and depict academic content so students can connect more deeply with the subject matter. The educator's task is to present a role model children will naturally want to follow, gaining authority through fostering rapport. The elementary years education seeks to imbue children with a sense that the world is beautiful.^[35]
3. Third Stage (14+) children primarily learn through their own thinking and judgment.^[36] They are asked to understand abstract material and are expected to have sufficient foundation and maturity to form conclusions using their own judgment.^[11]:391 The secondary years education seeks to imbue children with a sense that the world is true.^[35]

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Here is another lady's list she compiled that I took note of from a lecture I heard:

Top 10 Benefits of Waldorf Education

1. Nurtures Whole Child
2. Multi-cultural, World
3. Learn through arts: stories, songs, nature, etc.
4. Curriculum follows child's development (7 year cycle)
5. Gives rhythm and rituals
6. Prepares child for Life and life-skills (not just career/job-specific areas)
7. Fosters individuality, independence and problem-solving
8. Creates a sense of personal and social responsibility
9. Elevates confidence and self-esteem
10. Creates love for learning
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Here is a video introduction about it.

Things I've noticed they do:

• celebrate other cultures, holidays and festivals as a major part of their curriculum
• value nature: eat whole foods, use raw materials to make crafts and for their environment, even gardening as class "work"/play and using outdoor classroom time regularly
• feel rhythm is important in how they celebrate seasons and in daily routines so there is flow
• emphasize virtues and positive character attributes
• value community and sharing
• use story and song in everything to bring life and animation to what could be mundane in public school
• teachers continue with their students through the grades 1-8 to grow together
• don't teach letters and math the same way: letters come later and more as an art, while math is taught as whole-to-part (frequently with division and multiplication right along with addition and subtraction--seems more holistic and totally makes sense--from an intuitive math-lover like me!)
• encourage imagination and rarely have exact crafts to imitate
• there are no textbooks. Students create their own Main Lesson Books of learning to summarize concepts for themselves.



example of main lesson book page: Student summarizes and artistically represents lesson  from wiws.org

I found this great curriculum chart if you want to get a feel for how they break down learning by stage...


Other Posts about Waldorf:
Why Waldorf Works: from a Neuroscientific Perspective
14 Ways to Incorporate Waldorf into you Home
Waldorf Fosters Multiple Intelligences

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If you think you're interested, there is a Utah Waldorf facebook group where like minded people can learn from each other. People post helpful information, waldorf blogs, etc. or you can ask questions there. They also share and create local events for homeschoolers or community members varying from festivals, to story-telling conferences, to farm tours, to basket weaving classes, etc. It is not just for those that attend Waldorf groups/schools. And they are currently getting a charter to open an official school in Utah in 2016 for those that don't homeschool. Help join the effort, or at least find out more. 

Why I Want to Homeschool

I never in my life wanted to home-school. I grew up in the school system. I liked school. I was teachers' pet, brown-noser, class clown at times, etc. Loved the attention I guess. :)  (though not always straight-A student) 

So why would I home-school?

Well, that thought didn't cross my mind until the last few years. I would say a few events slowly started preparing my mind for the idea..... (in no particular order)

• I had a baby and wondered what was best for him and started getting into healthier foods and lifestyle. And I felt that Christlike principles were the foundation.
• I read Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne and thought about how to simplify for my children and create security
• I had a home-birth with my second child and then started to question all sorts of society conformed ways of doing things that we just do for the sake of tradition
• I wanted to learn patience and how to love my children fully. I grew up as the youngest and didn't do a lot with younger kids. Always to busy to babysit and wasn't use to babies. I felt I needed to formally ask God's help to get where I wanted (and so I did that many years ago)
• I started trying to do a little "school" with my son, that turned into something slightly more formal with two other boys. It has given me practice and helped me form in my mind better ways to approach learning through play and less on academics.
• I questioned the school system. I had nothing against it. I just merely wanted to put it in my mind and make a list of pros and cons. I like to have a purpose behind the things I do, whether it be if I should eat out, or if I should go through the school system. I am not going to do things just because it's typical. So, I put it out there last year. And since doing that...honestly, I feel pieces of information and people have just come into my life without my actively seeking to "go against any system."
• I won a ticket to a Waldorf Education Conference. I love learning...gobble it up (if I'm interested in it). :) And I love free. I know God put this little gift in my path because he knew I would get something out of it and use it. And I left that conference feeling there was something missing in an academic-focused atmosphere (of any kind, not just the public school system). I wanted my child to get deeply rooted in virtues and to explore the world and naturally let things unfold as he discovers himself--all things he was interested in at his pace.
• I realized all truths are eternal. So learning should be placed in context of God's plan. And history as we fragmentally learned it in school, should be placed in His-story...with Christ as the centerpiece. This is the whole picture, and this is how I know I would've learned history best. 
• ...and still, I keep stumbling upon things that take me this direction I'm heading

So, back to the question: Why Homeschool? 

It totally differs for everyone. But here are my followup questions to that question:

• What are your greatest desires in life?
• What do you think is the purpose of education--for you, for your kids, etc.?
• Do these two fit together?

Mine did. So I'm pursuing it. Not everyone's will. But I feel that I had those questions in me and that I was led step by step until I now feel that for me and my mission, there is a strong connection and link between the two.

my notes from Michelle Stone's Celestial Education talk

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So...now I feel I can best establish a foundation on which to home-school, without feeling I have to teach my kids every fact and detail and that they have to excel at everything that's standardized to a specific age and area of knowledge. The key is creating an atmosphere. I want to home-school so I can create an atmosphere of love and truth in which each child can learn and grow in peace and at their own pace to discover their identity and what their individual role is in God's beautiful plan. Placing all things they learn into the context of His-story--an eternal mind-frame. I want learning to be fun and a family event and priority.

I'm not saying you can't do that by supplementing your teachings alongside a school system. But, for me...I feel I can personally best accomplish this if I home-school. Plus, I can gain the lessons I desire to learn. So, I feel God has created this opportunity for me to reach my potential, while helping my children do the same.

So again, ask yourself questions. Turn your deepest desires over to the Lord and see where he leads you. It may not be homeschooling. Who knows...maybe it will be to Utah, or out of Utah. :) I sure wasn't planning on staying here, but I feel it is where I need to be at this time. So I am content. 

Where do you need to be? Or what do you need to be doing? Are there things He can teach you about yourself, and so you feel you are accomplishing your mission and discovering your greatest potential? Instead of just living life as it seems typical. 

Pray about it. He will show you little by little, even if you aren't aware. Have faith to step in the dark. Don't delay desires or promptings to learn or try new things (unless you aren't keeping family as your priority.) If it's where you need to be he will shine more light on your path with each step and you will grow personally and as a family as you do these things and stay close to your family.

Life is a journey. Don't just live "it." 

Embrace your potential and make the world a better place as you go.

A Minimalist Perspective on Entitlement

I was talking with a few friends the other day about raising kids and all the "stuff" we accumulate and had a few points I thought it might be helpful to post.

• Ownership vs. Stewardship: my friend's husband was saying kids need to have their own things so they learn to take ownership. I understand where he's coming from, but I respectfully disagree. I think structure or rules can build in that that principle, without having to actually own a thing. In our family we tell the kids that everything if "the family's" and that we let them use them. For example: Ethan's bed isn't "his," it is the family's, but he is using it for now. And when he gets older it may go to Nellie. HE knows this and is fine with it, but he still feels stewardship for his bed because he has to fix his covers to make his bed look nice, so his room feels clean and peaceful. And he loves this and does well with this principle--therefore still taking ownership, without entitlement. Click here for a nice simple video about stewardship.
• Responsibility: the same example above shows you can have responsibilities for things, without ownership. Another example is Ethan's quiet-time shelf. He has a few library and personal books on one shelf and box of blocks and craft box on the shelf below. These are his responsibility to take care of each day between 12-2 when he takes a quiet time by himself. He plays with them and puts them back, but knows they are the family's (or library's) and will disappear if he isn't responsible with them. I always tell him "If you're aren't responsible with that, you will lose it." That's our rule and it smashes the need for entitlement if they aren't using it well.
• Awareness & Gentleness: to go along with treating things carefully. I fully believe society has so much of everything that we care for nothing. Not really, but how many times do we think, "I'm out of pens (or chapstick). I should go buy a big box so I stop losing them?" What about our kid's coloring book collection or crayon box, my goodness! Stuffed animals? When we are surrounded by tons, we treat things like they are of less worth. Ethan gets a small box with a few crayons (no duplicates). If he breaks them on purpose he loses them. He has two coloring books. I think he has 10 books out right now (rotate through as needed). This practice helps him more fully appreciate and take care of what he has. Otherwise I'd just find piles of everything everywhere with no concern. This is especially true for cheap dollar store junk that breaks easily--certain plastic things in general too. Kids need deep relationships with a story or a toy to build their imagination and to deepen their understanding of the world. Too much = surface level engagement (where the entitlement battle wages on with the sense of wanting "more, more, more"). So another rule we do is one toy at a time (sometimes it's two or three if he's using blocks with cars and such, but the idea is put one toy away if you move onto another).
• Sharing: we have a great little set of wooden bowls from a garage sale i found randomly. I had no idea what I'd use them for, but they felt they made sense in my view of what I wanted to fill my kitchen with (besides plastic junk). And now I love them! Whenever people come over, or everyday for snack time Ethan and Nellie share a bowl of food from one (usually pirate booty puffs--their favorite). It definitely makes lunch more of a unifying experience, but the kids feel happy, rather than entitled to their own individual portions of everything. And my kids are now good sharers, because they had to learn to be. Sharing over entitlement.

So, now envision a typical moment in your daily life with your kids:say  lunch. How can we take that experience and get rid of "entitlement issues" using these thoughts?

• Place Settings: cloth napkins Ethan can get from the kitchen drawer when he needs it, and putting his plate, cup, etc. on the counter by the sink when finished. In fact, his cup has a hook that he can hang it from so he knows where to get it and can use the same one over and over. These things give him a sense of responsibility. He also knows to treat them with care because he doesn't have tons of cups to choose from. If he breaks his, then he's at a loss. (Think of Little House on the Prairie...they were happy to even have a tin cup between the siblings. And we usually have our cupboards overflowing with way too many options. Simplifying is sweet and gratifying.)
• Sharing Bowl: as mentioned above. We also have some great wooden veggie trays that we put veggies in, or stacker lunch options with toothpicks and we all eat from it together. And for Friday Family Fun nights we try to eat fun dinners we can make and share together: pizza, sushi, nachos, popcorn, etc. Events should be unifying, instead of separate with the feeling of "entitlement."
• Food Options: kids dont always want everything I make, so we do stacker lunches a lot. I put out a few healthy options, but let the kids stack together on toothpick kabobs what they want in their order, just with a few rules on not taking too much cheese or something. So kids feel empowered to create and enjoy lunch together, but aren't telling me what to give them and bossying me around like they are entitled. 

Kids aren't the boss, though at times they think they are. As we can get away from an "entitlement" focus to a stewardship focus, I feel our kids will feel more grounded and secure to be who they are and to live in greater unity with those around them. I can't say we also have the focus as best we could, but these things sure help!

For more ideas on how to implement some of these things, read my post on Simplicity Parenting (and decluttering kid's toys).

Focused on Virtue

Last summer I attended an Educational Conference for a teaching methodology called Waldorf. While there, I learned of "The Virtue Project." And I felt it needed to be a focus in my parenting and teaching. This is a great perspective to take in raising kids or in education and developing them into more well-rounded citizens and people of character.

The Virtues Project was founded in Canada in 1991 by Linda Kavelin-Popov, Dr. Dan Popov and John Kavelin. It was honored by the United Nations during the International Year of the Family as a "model global program for families of all cultures". They create cards, affirmations, guides, etc. to help in various areas of life in which we can focus on bringing these virtues into play.

These are the areas of life they list for focusing on the virtues

It started when they sat down and studied and noted all the virtues they found mentioned in various major religious texts. From all the characteristics noted they found they were able to whittle them down into 52 underlying virtues. Click here for the website's definitions of each virtue.

The 52 Virtues

There are five strategies the use for the process of bringing these virtues into play in the various areas of focus in life. These are details for the first two (where I've been spending my focus), but the photo below has the summary of all five.

1. Speak the Language of Virtue: I love that they focus on speaking virtues (instead of focusing on the counterpart (opposite, bad behavior). Instead of saying to your child "don't hit your sister, that's bad," say "was that being gentle to sister?" This helps the child realize where they fall short of goodness, without labeling them as being bad. And praise when you see good virtues practiced, so you don't have to wait until the bad virtues come out.
2. Recognize Teachable Moments: If you notice your child doing something that isn't upholding positive virtues, use that moment to stop and help them evaluate. Like the example just mentioned. It's about asking the right questions and taking time to show a better way (without over-talking), rather than shaming kids and making them feel guilty or bad. As you practice teaching moments you will learn how to clearly and simply emphasize good over bad. 

I love the beautiful card set they sell, though I don't own a set. They had one at the conference and we each picked one and discussed it with our "neighbor." Each virtue card has the definition, picture, quote, statement of belief and a bullet list of ways one would show living that virtue. It's a great format for understanding virtues, whether of not you focus on all 52 (which is a lot and maybe a little overwhelming).

So, I started taking this concept and thinking about President Hinckley's 9 Be's. These 9 attributes of focus were a good starting point to work from. And for Gospel study I focus on the 9 Christlike Attributes: faith, hope, Charity/love, virtue, knowledge, patience, diligence, obedience, humility (and I added gratitude).

I will post more later on these as I try to see how to make focusing on virtues a more integral and defined part of my life and parenting, so my children have a simplified and defined view of the most important values of "being."

Teaching Your Children Values, by the Eyres has been a good place to start for ideas on how to teach some of the values. Then I will just need to keep practicing communicating positive virtues (so getting familiar with what they are and what they mean). And focusing on a few has been the greatest help, instead of trying to memorize and teach all of them (esp. when my child is only 4). The ones I focus on now are gentleness, responsibility, happiness, gratitude, thoughtfulness, etc.

This Week's Goal:

Why not pick one to focus on this week and try saying to your children, "you showed gentleness when you _____" so you acknowledge the child's postitive behavior, instead of labeling them as a person.

Simplicity Parenting Notes: Rhythm

Here are some more notes from a great book I enjoy rereading every once in awhile to make sure I'm slowing down and simplifying. These particular notes are just on the Rhythm Chapter. 

I apologize if not all the sentences are complete, but these are just my notes from the book, starting with a list of highlighted principles about rhythm.

Simplicity Parenting: Rhythm

1. Increasing the rhythm of your home life is one of the most powerful ways of simplifying your children’s lives
2. Rhythm and ritual are what we aim for; predictability may be what we can achieve (children under seven need a preview/visual of the day so they know what to expect)
3. With ‘predictability,” a child knows what to expect (reduce the ways your children are caught by surprise by providing advance notices)
4. Rhythms establish a foundation of cooperation and connection
5. Any repeated “note” or activity of the day can be made more rhythmic
6. Rhythm builds islands of consistency and security throughout the day
7. The rhythms of family life provide consistency; the best ones also offer connection
8. Relationships are often built in the intervals, the spaces between activities, when nothing much is going on
9. Simplification established an unspoken emphasis on relationship
10. Committing to rhythm builds trust and relational credits: a connection that is “bankable”
11. The magic of rhythms is in the process, not the particulars
12. Food is meant to nourish, not entertain or excite. As parents simplify, their kids’ food issues diminish or resolve quite naturally
13. Consistency reinforces value that are larger than personal preferences
14. Two or three “pressure valves” built into the day will help a child fall asleep at bedtime (activities where a child can “lose himself in” allows for a release of tension, and the mental ease needed to process the day’s events.)

Even if rhythm remains elusive, you can still provide your kids more security by increasing predictability in their daily lives. 

The implication of rhythms is that there is an author behind how we do things as a family. Parental authority is strengthened by rhythms: there is order and safety. Rhythm carves the necessary channels for discipline, making it more intrinsic than imposed and much less parent verbiage, effort and fewer problems around transition. 

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A rhythm’s value comes from the intention behind.

Do we have intention in our daily and weekly family life and rhythms? If we haven’t thought about it, maybe we need to. Here are some ways to think about it in regards to our family life being compared to a musical piece.

· Main Chords: What are the consistent chords of your day and week?
For most it is generally meal times and bed time. Having these times set helps kids order their day and better place their physical, emotional and intellectual view of the world.
Stable foundation to facilitate their own mapmaking. Meaning hides in repetition

·         Notes: What melody or events are you creating in your week?
events and activities planned in

·         Rests and Pauses: Are their periods of rest in your day?
These moments during the day give more meaning and emphasis to various parts of the music. IT shouldn’t all blur together as one long day. Take time to breath between each activity by not scheduling too tightly. We normally stick to one main activity each morning or afternoon and rarely back-to-back time-sensitive activities. The afternoon (12-2) is always quiet-time: naps for those who need it and just reading time and personal quiet time for those who don’t nap. This is a great time to rejuvenate and act like “pressure valves.”

·         Tempo: What is the speed of your week?
Some days will be fast and some slow. Be sure to add variety and plan in a few slow days to follow a crazy weekend rush of activities that had you flying all over. Think of them as A and B days. We try to plan one day in and one day out with friends so we’re not always out and about. It might help to break your days into AM, Afternoon, PM…but we try to limit evening activities (so PM for us means afternoon, before dinner).

Here’s an example of a weekly tempo:

*optional	AM	PM	Tempo
Sunday	Family Worship/Rest		A
Monday	(House in Order Stuff)		A
Tuesday	Shopping*		A
Wednesday	Play group*	MUSIC (class)	B
Thursday	Library*	ART (class)	B
Friday	Spontaneous Day		A
Saturday	Family Work/Play		B

Here’s an example of a week rhythm: 

	A	A	A	B	B	A	B	tempo
	Rest/Worship	foundation	nature	music/movement	art/handicrafts	celebrate	live	theme
measure	Sunday	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday	Saturday	movement
7:00	Breakfast							chord
8:00								break-unstructured
9:00	M&SW	Blanket Time Hour (structured)						notes
10:00		Free-play/Nature (semi-structured?)
11:30	Church	Lunch						chord
12:00		Story Time/Quiet Time						break-structured
1:00
2:00		Activity?						notes
3:00
4:00	Transition: free-play (forts, music/dance time)							pause
5:00				(dinner prep)				chord
5:30	Dinner
6:00								break-unstructured
7:00	Transition: Bed Prep							pause
8:00	Kid's Bedtime							chord
9:00	Transition: Parents' Bed Prep							pause
9:30	Parent's Bedtime							chord